So, I try to move past this part of my life, but then something pops up and I get mad all over again.
It was always a dream of mine to get married in the church that I attended and my parents wed in. I was so excited to book the church on the original date that Bryon and I had picked, and I was honored to have my youth pastor wed us.
...That is, until I received the contract he sends out to all of the couples that would like to wed. I agreed with all of it except the part that Bryon and I could not live together. I know he had his reasons, so I called him up. I explained that we rented an apartment together for economical reasons, and that I wouldn't be staying there much because of travel to Chicago for my job. I understood that he didn't want us to lead each other in temptation, but I also explained to him that it was purely economic (we didn't live together to have crazy, pre-marital sex). He told me that if we couldn't stick to the rules of the contract that he would not be able to wed us.
I was and still am completely devastated. I had given my life to that church since I started going in 5th grade. I was involved and listened-yes, actually listened- to the sermons during high school and lived by them. My roots were deep in that church and I even carried on my involvement at Eureka by volunteering and working at Maple Lawn (affliated with my church).
I really thought I had gotten over it, until I saw people getting married by him in my church who were not meeting the contract. 3 different examples: one couple had an extramarital affair with others in the church; one couple (my cousin) had a child out of wedlock; and the 3rd I know have been living together since they started dating.
I know the first two couples probably went through counseling with my pastor before he had wed them; I'm pretty sure the 3rd couple lied about their residences (since they both have family in the area). I refused to lie to someone I had sought spiritual guidance through, but it just makes me sad that I was completely honest, doing everything (I thought was) right, and couldn't get married in my own church.
Did I do something wrong? Maybe I didn't read between the lines and missed something that happened to allow the other couples to wed, but it just saddens me that you would have to lie to a man of God to get what you want.
2 comments:
That really stinks. It sounds like he really just missed the point. And to hold different standards for people, well that just sucks. Have you thought about talking to him about it? I don't know how he would react, but it might give you some closure to express your feelings. Or maybe write a letter and don't sent it (that's a popular therapeutic technique right there, lol).
We had to do premarital counseling with my pastor and he told us, "I realize you guys have the same address." Then he simply warned us to never use sex as a weapon. He's like 90 years old so if he can be progressive, anyone can!
I commend you for your honesty. I'm sorry you're still hurt by the experience - I can totally understand why you are. But the decisions you made reflect your character and your respect for God. Those are two very good things, Alisha.
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